On Being the Meat in a Fat Sandwich

Elbow-room is even more important if you’re in the middle seat. (Continued from Charming Carlita’s Elbow) I picked a window seat when I booked the flights.  I was assigned 17F – a window seat near the back; almost back where they stuff poor people – the “steerage” of today.  People like me who were too stupid to book their flight 6 months in advance, or have less than 250,000 frequent flyer miles.  Now I’ve been re-assigned to 19B – a dreaded middle seat – in “steerage”.  They dropped Neil Armstrong in a specific crater on the moon in 1969, but they can’t figure out to keep me in the seat I was assigned two weeks ago. 

They should stagger people by body size when they seat us.  Fat/Skinny/Fat, or Skinny/Fat/Skinny.  I’ve been in the middle when it’s Fat/Fat/Fat and don’t want to do that again.  All you have to do is add the letter “r” and there you have it. 

This situation is where elbow-real-estate cunning and savvy makes the difference between being the meat in a Fat sandwich or being on the top layer of three-cupcake pyramid.  I prefer the latter, but the prospect of the former makes me head to the counter with my ticket and beg for an aisle or a window seat. 

The stern-faced lady at the checkout counter with the graying hair pulled back in such a tight ponytail I can’t figure out how she can even open her eyes has already told me “every seat is taken, unless you want to pay the $29.95 upgrade, it’s impossible”.   But this person at the departure gate smiles and says “Sure Mr. Blowers, would you like a window on the left or right side?”  They can build a space station and toss in a bunch of Ruskies and Yanks together, but they can’t coordinate between the check-in counter and the gate counter.  Either someone is lying, or the computer system at United Airlines is still using punch cards.
 

This entry was posted on 30. November 2007 at 23:23 and is filed under Travels. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.

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